The last you!

I thought you'd be my last one,

As winter sails away, you'd be gone and there'd be no one.

I tried to forget your smell, lingering in my hair,

Your red burning end, giving me the strength, not to care.

My chapped lips on you, dragging your soul in me,

courtesy: Google

And there you're, lipstick-stained you, vanishing with the smoke, just see.

Every time I see another, I say you'd be my last one,

But the last you, just stays, it's either you or no one!

Neither a stain nor a blotch but a pretty print!

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to know that things will come to an end, to know that everything around will vanish just like that and you? You shall be just a memory – bitter and sweet, of love and of hate, in dreams and in nightmares, a sheer memory, nothing more, nothing less. You’ll be gone, leaving tears in many eyes and a smile on some sardonic faces, leaving many behind with an unmanageable pain in their hearts and leaving some behind with fluttering happiness in their hearts. It would be over; everything would be over, leaving you as nothing. Nothing but a heap of ash, nothing but a bag of bones and nothing but a memory.

You put on that pretty smile on your face, plug-in your earphones and are the coolest person ever but deep-inside, every part of you screams, it’ll end soon. You walk with that flair but inside, you have to put in so much effort to drag yourself, forward. There is pain but you smile, you know you’ll be gone, so you leave a mark behind. You don’t want to be a stain or a blotch but a pretty print. An image that people will remember forever, an image that they’ll have imprinted in their minds, till they see you again.

What brave hearts they have! To those who are gone:
I hope you’re enjoying those lush green grasses, the shed of the maple tree, the kiss of the cold breeze and the symphony of the cuckoos. Far away from this ruckus, I hope the other world gives you what you could’ve never got. In the meadows, where Aurora shakes off the darkness by spreading out her bright, luminescent wings, I hope you run behind those colorful and vibrant butterflies and not stop but for that cup of tea of yours. Yes, tea.

Someone said, “Good people die young.” Yes, they do, leaving us with nothing but sorrow, nothing but regret and nothing but lots of love.

Rest in peace, all you beautiful souls, till we meet on the other side and form a bond, better and stronger.  J

P.S: This is for a girl, I never knew but was a friend to a friend. To my friend – Be strong. She wants to see a happy you.

P.P.S: This one is also for you, up there. A sister, a friend, a senior and a confidante. This P.S, I always use, is only for you. You just ran away and are hiding somewhere, wait until I come and find you. Till then, much love! <3 

Without a Valentine!

Valentine! It’s so much more than just a saint’s name, isn’t it? Who remembers the saint’s martyrdom; everyone is busy pleasing their own valentine (Except me, I keep busy pleasing myself). There’s so much to do, especially for us girls (count me out). We spend months making gifts, thinking of different ways to surprise our beloved, buying heart-shaped candies, buying broken heart lockets, making videos (love videos, of course) and  the list goes on. Doing everything without even thinking what would our halves (why better?) do with it? Flaunt it before their friends like we do or dump it in their dump yard (read, room) like they do. Girls need to rack their brain harder when it comes to gifts. For guys, it’s easier; get a bouquet, a few chocolates and go out for a perfect romantic dinner. But girls, what do they do? Flowers? So girly! Chocolates? A packet of Marlboro and a bottle of Budweiser would have been better. Something handmade? Cards? How romantic! (Really?) I was going through a popular author’s blog where he declared (yes, I take it as a declaration), Handmade or bought from the market, they are as useless as useless can get. See, I’m not the only one thinking that way. Anyway, these are the pangs of being in a relationship and should be left to the mushy, blinded in love couples.

Valentine’s Day without a saint (saint? who am I kidding?) is even more fun, it’s beyond ecstasy (Ya, you can call me insane). Don’t make faces or scream at the screen, you’ve a valentine so how would you know? Valentine’s Day is just another date in the calendar for us (singles) but so much love in the air is suffocating. We, singles, roam around with glum faces and buying ourselves roses. (A friend got me one. A white rose. The friend is a she. She, too, is committed.) Wait a second! We aren’t sad because we don’t have someone. We’re sad for our committed friends; they don’t know what they’re missing. And well, when it comes to having someone, just one? We’ve so many ones. Our crush, our friend’s crush, one we admire, few on Facebook and the list doesn’t end. How could I miss out! Someone else’s boyfriend/girlfriend. Yes, there’s at least one guy or girl who has this really handsome/beautiful valentine. And you gossip (I know guys gossip too) among your friends, “Damn! How did he/she even get him/her?” See, we have so many people to ogle at.

  

And then as the night dawns, our eyes sparkle to see the glasses and the shots- with or without fire, full. The whiff of smoke wipes away all the worries and anxiety. A canopy of smoke, loud music and company of a few lucky ones like us. Could the Valentine’s Day celebration get any better? Even if you say a yes, I wouldn’t agree.

P.S: Offense is all yours, take it. :P
P.P.S: Happy Reading :)
Picture: Google.com

Labyrinth of emotions

“Ma’am, it’s you there, in 5. Get ready!”

Today, it wasn’t her in the mirror; it was the other side of her – her dream, perfect and flawless! This reality was a fantasy for her, how else can life be this beautiful? But something was wrong, terribly wrong. She felt one thing within herself and that was nothing! She felt hollow, empty and alone.  Her parents had given up on her, her friends had left her in the lurch and to the world she was a tramp. But how that mattered, she thought. She was successful, famous (rather infamous) and an eccentric super diva with such an awe. For being there, she had undergone an exquisite metamorphosis – from a delicate, jittery child-woman to a stunning ramp diva. And today, how could anything else matter? She was there because she deserved it and she need not pay heed to the world, because she stands there all by herself and they’re on the other side. 

She stepped out of the green room, dazzling in a black shimmering gown and in minutes she was on the ramp, instilled with confidence and self-esteem.
Cameras, press, media!

Finally, the dream she had nurtured for years had come true. It was her day; she was the one who was being talked about. The new face of the glam world, Saira Malik!                                                              

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                
She entered her home, happy and full of spirit, to find no one. Home, it was more of a confinement now! Who would she share her experience and happiness with? With whom would she dance, laugh and sing with joy? The crimson, incarnadine pleasure and happiness turned into the faded sorrow, grief and emptiness. The swirls of misery anguish and emptiness engulfed her – in and out! Was this what she wanted? No! Her heart screaming, crying and dying. She felt choked and could barely breathe. There was so much of pain and misery. She felt like a corporeal cripple with no emotions, a body devoid of soul. She was struggling to end this feeling of nothingness, but found no success. But the pain had to end; after all she was Saira Malik and she had to be perfect, without flaws.

                                          

The lamp flickered and everything was solemn and gloomy. The wretched heart had found a way to precision. She lay there in the pool of blood with one thing, nothing!

 The murk of conflict had finally ended!

P.S: This was an attempt to write about something other than *love*! :P
Do tell me my flaws for a better post next time.
Happy Reading J

                          

Dreams?

           " Dreams are illustration from the book, your soul is writing for you." - Marsha Norman

Sometimes it's just so difficult to make choices. Thousand things running through your mind, trying not to hurt anyone. Not your close ones at least! But do you really make a good choice when you let your dreams go unfulfilled and choose dear one's gaiety and desires? I stand by my dreams because I reckon you get many chances to make others happy but only one opportunity to fulfill your dreams. What do you think?

P.S: Life is a choice. And life is yours! :)
  

If he called...

 “How can you do this to me? You’ve changed, Abhishek”, said Ananya and burst into tears. She had never thought that her first love would hurt her all the time by not picking up her calls. She had this inexplicable pain in her heart and always thought Does love end with the end of a relationship? Just because she and Abhishek were no more in relationship didn’t mean the love had vanished in the thin air. After all it was LOVE, something about which she had fantasized for years.  A true, everlasting love.

“Yup, I have changed and all I have become is meaner than ever. Do you mind?” Abhishek shouted. His decibel was so high that even Ananya’s roomies heard it.

Embarrassed Ananya was just able to squeak and in a low tone said “I know the mistake was entirely mine but please don’t get angry. You know I love you.”

“No, I don’t and I don’t want to. Why do you have to call me all the time and bug me like this?  And well I didn’t mean what I said yester night.  I blabbered out all that because I was high. You very well know I have moved on and so you too, go and get a life” saying so Abhishek disconnected the call abruptly, not even giving Ananya a chance to say something.

I didn’t mean what I said yester night were the words that were hammering her mind. She had been so elated after what he said but he didn’t mean it. Tears were constantly rolling down her cheek.  And she remembered his words Ananya, now if you were with me, I would hold you tight in my arms and never let you go. You are very special. I wish I could kiss you. These lines had made her so happy but her happiness was ephemeral.

“Why the hell don’t you understand that this dog isn’t meant for you? You keep telling Shivi that she deserves somebody better. The same goes for you. Just get over him”, yelled Ashi with anger as well as concern.

“Don’t be a fool and waste your life on such a bastard. There definitely are better options in the college itself. Sid…oops! Sorry” said Saumya.

“Shut up. Will you people mind leaving me alone for some time? And for your kind information Saumya, Siddharth was just a crush who has already been crushed. He is just a good friend now. Make that pretty clear in your small head” said Ananya sarcastically and left the room, banging the door behind her.

Siddharth – a cute, much talked about guy from Delhi and most importantly, a guy who made Ananya feel that she could fall in love again. But he wasn’t a boyfriend material, so Ananya had to give up thinking about him. Any girl would spoil her life if she happened to fall for him. This is what he said for his own self.

A week had passed and Ananya’s pain was only amplified. Time maybe the best healer but in her case it wasn’t so. She was getting weak, emotionally as well as physically. Nobody understood her, not even her parents.  She wanted to run away – away from this mean, brutish world where love is just a game and heart is just a toy, which is to be thrown away when you’re bored of it.

“Hey Ani, wassup? You look so pale and in pain. What happened?” asked Siddharth, who had just rushed into the canteen.
“Nothing as such, just a mild headache.  How have you been?” Ananya asked with a fake smile as she was in pain.

As she reached the hostel, she locked herself in her room. She was in pain – screaming and screeching. Ashi,  Shivi and Saumya were banging on the door. “Please open the door. What has happened?” While opening the door, Ananya fainted and her eyes opened the next day in the hospital. All she could see were sad and tensed faces of Ashi, Shivi and Saumya. 

“Hey sweetheart, you’re fine right?” Ashi said.

Ananya could do nothing but give a smile. She tried to sit up but couldn’t.  Her whole body had become numb with pain.

“I want to talk to Abhishek. Please call him. I love him”, she said, crying like a small child. Ananya’s friends had tried calling up Abhishek several times but every time he said that he’d call later.

“Try and sit up” said Shivi, almost bursting into tears.

“I can’t, ab kuch bhi mere control mein nahi hai”, cried Ananya.

She could see a new world, far away from this mean world. She groaned with pain, but slowly the pain was easing.  She was feeling relieved.

Suddenly the phone rang, Abhishek’s name was flashing on it.

Saumya picked up the cal.

Abhishek : Hey, I want to talk to Ananya. I am really sorry; I have been busy these days.

Saumya : Keep busy for your whole life then. Ananya is in a better world now, where she would find somebody who would really love her - maybe a Shahrukh Khan or Ian Somerhalder.

Twists of Fate. Part- II

And, he drove away!

She stood there transfixed, having no idea how to react. Every hope, every expectation shattered like glass pieces. Everything again became gloomy, just when she was about to find a ray of light in her life. Just when she thought things for the first time would turn out the way she wanted them too.

But no. How sinister the world is! Am I the only object of GOD’S derision? Why does this always happen to me? She thought.

She walked towards her home, each step taken with great difficulty. Knocking on the door was even more difficult, as she knew she would be welcomed with rebukes and lectures from her mother.

She knocked, only to realize that the door was open.

“Are you alright? What took you so long? Is this the time a girl of your age should come home?” shouted her Mom, livid with anger.
“I am sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have been late”, she said in a low tone.

“What’s wrong, beta?” her mom said in a calmer tone as if feeling sorry for scolding Sanaya.

She knew her mother would understand. How would she not? After all Sanaya was a lawyer in the strictest sense. She had an excuse for every wrong she did and a logic for every wrong others did. And today, she had no excuse to make, no logic to put forward but a simple sorry!
“I know I have been a bad mother, always scolding you and intervening in your life. All our relatives were correct when they said single parenting is difficult.” Her Mom said in a dejected tone.

Yes, she had been unlucky in that part too. Her father left them when she was 13 years of age, and settled abroad with some other woman. Initially, she was sad that her dad had left her but then she was happy – happy living with her Mom, who did all she could, for her.
“No Mamma, please don’t say that. You have been the best mom on Earth. You have fulfilled all my wishes and desires, made me what I am. All that I am and all that I will be, I owe it to you. And Mom I don’t need anybody else in my life if I have you”, she said but somewhere, heart in heart she missed her dad.

“Then why don’t you tell me what is amiss?” Her mom enquired.
She could not lie but was unable to say the truth. And tears rolled her cheek.

She hugged her Mom tight and cried, cried out her pain, frustration, agony – agony she felt after the day’s incident. She felt safe, secure because she believed no one could hurt her if her mom was with her.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me what happened. But always remember that there are people who care for you and are hurt when you are in pain. Things cannot always be the way you want them to be. It may sound stereotype but always keep one thing in your mind beta, jo hota hai ache ke lie hota hai. May be there are better things in store for you. You have been a strong girl and I know you will always be so. Wipe your tears now and go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning.” Her mom said.
This was the reason she loved her mom. She understood all her unexpressed feelings and thoughts, moreover gave her courage to start afresh.

Sanaya got up to go to her room.

“Sanaya, talk to Aarav once. He said he’s here for a week and that he would meet you tomorrow.”

“Okay Mom. Good Night!” Sanaya said with a smile, which was may be because Aarav was back.
It was already 1:00p.m. She decided to call him the next day.

And with a hope of a new and a better day, she dozed off to sleep.

P.S: Life is full of surprises. And a little more patience can make the surprise even more special. Happy Reading! J